when I was shopping today with my mom, we ran into one of her ex-coworkers and he introduced himself and shook my hand and was really friendly
and he and mom talked for a bit, and then after he walked away, my mom said
”He got fired because he killed three people.”
and I was kinda spooked for like the next 5 minutes until I remembered my mom is a surgeon
feminists won’t take your opinions seriously because you’re a man? woah dude that sucks. as a woman I can’t even imagine. thank god no one has ever devalued my insight because of my sex and gender
Female privilege is getting to claim a headache to avoid sex.
Female oppression is having to claim physical illness to avoid sex because men won’t take a simple fucking “no” for an answer.
Female oppression is men being so entitled that they think being denied sex is oppressive.
WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD WHY IS MY SENSE OF HUMOR THIS TERRIBLE
your lips look tired. why don’t you come rest them on mine.
LIST OF REALLY SUPER CUTE THINGS:
HUGH LAURIE IS BRITISH I CAN’T WHY
HE’S BRITISH NOT AMERICAN HE JUST PLAYS AN AMERICAN ON THE TELLY.
jack those are both hugh laurie
WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT AN ASSHOLE IN A LONG COAT
This is applicable to so many different fandoms it hurts…
Baked some iPhone cookies to trick cops into pulling me over, then I just take a bite and ask if cookies are against the law.
This is a great fucking idea omg
I luv this because it plays straight into my fantasies about inconveniencing an authority figure while still being cute about it like. who lil old me? A criminal? No officer i was just eating this cookie. Not against the law now is it you fascist fuckn pig? And then the cop cries bc he knows im going to blog about it and hes soo embarrassed. Then i go home and jack off
technically yes. i’m like 90% sure eating while driving is against the law over here in the uk
If we’re dating I will get you sexually frustrated a lot just to amuse myself
that is so true not even sorry
we actually don’t even need to be dating if i figure out your kinks it’s on like donkey kong
Photo reblogged from with 109,962 notes
Ok , so I made this in my English class out of boredom, there was no one it had not started yet ! So we had a substitute that day, a really cute guy, and he walks in, stare at the class then at the board, then at the class again, he seemed amazed and goes :
“Who wrote ”Fuck You” in circular gallifreyan , I don’t know if I should kiss you or send you to detention ”
so did he kiss you or did he send you to detention christ don’t leave me hanging like this
What the fuck are cats
Oh my god that cat is so excited for the surface of the water to be solid because it thinks it’ll be able to finally catch a fish oh my god oh my god look at it slip around ahhhhhhhhh
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